Alright, no one get pissed.

But I am switching to a new site. Nothing against this one....I love this site. But please please please visit the new site...it explains more as to why I am switching.

Nothing more will be updated here. Sorry. Love to all!

My best friend came through for me once again, as he always does. I love the description. And I am a brain ninja. Thanks for noticing. But Rickshaw, as promised, I will write a mini-post just for you now:

Matt, I truly appreciate you. We have had so many ups and downs. And I thought after our last down, I thought I'd never hear from you again. So when I saw three weeks ago, in my email inbox, an email from "M. Rickshaw" my heart jumped! You are insanely busy....taking care of your disabled sister, working an insane job 80 hours a week, conference board meetings, deadlines...all while volunteering with Hospice every week. So the fact that you take time from your schedule for me, little 'ol me, is HUGE to me! I love talking to you every other day or so....it means so so so much to me to have a best friend like you!! Remember the motorized tassel and the numerous indy movie fests!

And Piper.....you're treading some thin ice here darling. No. More. Brandon. After talking with you privately about some stuff, I know how you feel and your opinions, and that's fine. So keep it to just me and you, and not post it on here, okay? If you remember, I did NOT bash Brandon even in private, and I refuse to have anyone do it here publicly. I am so fucking tired of talking about Brandon on here! I know you're still angry about the shit he did to me and Deacon, but for heavens sake, I've let it go.....now you! I don't mind talking to you in private, but I am not going to speak ill against Brandon. And I'm not letting you do it either!

And lastly, I have yet to finish Part Two: OMG It's A Wrestling Post. It's almost done. Calm down. Chill out. No more hate mail people! I'm a busy girl! And I'm trying to finish it, but I'm tired....so maybe tomorrow.

Just quit the hate mail.....jeeze.

**Please Note: This is going to be a two parter. It wasn’t going to be, but I started writing and I really got ranting about some stuff, so it’s a two parter. This is the first so the second is coming soon**

Nick and I had tickets to a ROH Wrestling Show. And I was thrilled to be going. Simply enthralled. Can you tell? If only you could see my face. To his credit, he arranged to spend all day*in New York City*with no toddler*so I could spend the day*doing whatever I wanted. I can do whatever I want in the Big Apple? With no baby? Um, okay, let’s go.

I’ll get to the wrestling in the next post. First I need to gush a little bit. I got to ride the ferry into New York City. I walked through Central Park to get to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I got to see Times Square. I walked down 5th Avenue. I ate dinner across from Madison Square Garden. And the wrestling show was held in a beautiful place called the Hammerstein Ballroom. I can’t really gush too much more about this because it would be so filled with !!!!!! it’d be obnoxious to read. Let’s just say I had a great day.

But I need to complain a teeny tiny bit. I was in a snowboarding accident that crushed a lot of important things several years ago. And Nick and I walked over 100 blocks yesterday. 100 blocks!! Not including all the wandering around the museum. Needless to say, all that walking serious did some damage to my hips that were the main thing that was injured in said accident. THEN! At the wrestling show, I experienced the opposite extreme: we were sitting down {in a auditorium with the steepest seating I’ve ever experienced, btw} for over 4 hours. Oh Have Mercy. I was hurting so badly by the time we were walking back to the ferry I felt like a whore in an Amsterdam bordello after the fleet comes in.

And that’s a lot of pain, I’m telling ya.

OMG. I am stunned beyond belief. I saw this and was so flabbergasted I was knocked on my booty. How can this happen? In a state I live in? This is a crime against nature. And of my body!

I have been a long time lover of the Brazilian wax. Not as of late...they're expensive! But a year and a half ago I was a regular. And was hoping to return to being a regular here in Jersey. But now they're making it illegal? Seriously? Jesus.

Dear Dad,

I am, as you know, unhappy with today's news. I am shocked that after 26 years with the same company you were laid off. I know that our economy sucks, but it feels different now that it's hit our family. As you know, I have loudly announced my unhappiness with the "working man" losing his job and the corporate hotshots getting huge paychecks. But now that it's affected you, my daddy, it hurts on a much more real level.

I know how hard you worked your way up that corporate ladder. And I know happy you were with each job promotion. I remember being so proud of you each and every time because you worked your ass off to get each promotion. You went from being a regular travel agent to the Vendor Contract Administrator for huge companies (such as Xerox, Hewlett Packard, Maybelline, etc). It took years in that company. And I know you didn't like working 80+ hours a week when I was little, but you did it because you wanted the best for your family. I have always admired you for that. I hope you don't regret missing my tennis matches or band recitals because I have always been proud of you.

I worry the most about you because of Steve's medical bills. I know he is permanently neurologically disabled after the gay hate crime and it makes me worried because this means you guys went from two incomes to zero income in 6 months. I know his monthly CAT scans are necessary because they want to make sure that he isn't bleeding into the brain again but I know they aren't cheap. I know his prescriptions aren't cheap. Hell, you both are on medications and none of it is cheap. And now you are losing your health insurance.

I think what bothers me the most is your job required you to move to downtown Chicago....which is BY FAR more expensive than humble South Haven, MI. And now, a year and a half later, they let you go. I understand that they needed you closer to the corporate home office and yadda yadda, but jeeze. Chicago isn't cheap, and now you are well established there and probably don't want to move yet again. I will, of course, help you if you decide to move again...which is a very likely situation.

Can I offer some advice? I know I'm your daughter and that you are 27 years older than me and you are convinced that I don't know anything, but I want to please suggest a quick piece of advice. The severance package crap that they're giving you? Please take some of it and go back to college and follow your dream. The dream you had 26 years ago. Please go to culinary school. Not that you need it, by any means, because you are in your own right a chef already. But with a piece of paper that says you have a degree you can go to any restaurant you want to do what you love. You can open your own little place like you always wanted. You can live your dream.

I love you, daddy.

Okay. We have a winner. As you can see, Demon Blogger won. This was submitted by my long time wonderful friend, Matthew Rickshaw. Love you, man. And I trust you to write a description underneath it.

Thanks to all that emailed me and voted. In case you're curious, these were the final numbers as of 5pm Eastern:

Demon Blogger: 1,399 votes
Sometimes The Pigeon, Sometimes The Statue: 1,113 votes
Sticks & Stones May Break My Bones, But Whips & Chains *coughs* Nevermind: 1,090

The rest were below 1,000 and were all pretty darn close in numbers. Seriously, can I just say one last time how much I love all of my readers? I get readers from all over the internet now and I just want to say thanks. I didn't think that anyone would care about what I had to say. I just started writing again last year to help with my on-going depression. I am being asked to keep this a daily blog. And here is my solemn promise that I will try my damnedest to post every. single. day. I want to start writing more about what's irritating me in the news...which should provide a lot of fodder for blog material.

'Cuz I have a brain and opinions. And I freely exercise both. So watch out Kinderkamack Road...I'm a-coming.

Your top contenders so far are listed below....and these all are so far ahead, you might as well stop voting for the rest. Seriously. Number 7 is ahead of Number 8 by 299 votes. So, I thought I should tell you the top nominees.

*Mallory: Dropping Swear Words Like Galileo Dropped The Orange
*Will Blog 4 East Coast to Mid-West Dictionary
*Demon Blogger From {insert street name here}
*Fuck You Very Much
*Sometimes The Pigeon, Sometimes The Statue
*Stick & Stones May Break My Bones But Whips & Chains *coughs* Nevermind...
*Liza, Be A Dear And Get Mommy Another Scotch

Please note, these are not in order at all. Okay, some of these were in my top 5. Some weren't. And all hail the underdog coming in at the last minute and securing himself a top spot. And as I said, I will name the person who gave me the suggestion on here, and you will get to write the description underneath the title. Maybe. I will say now, though....if it ends up being the Demon Blogger one, I AM NOT LISTING MY ACTUAL STREET NAME. I don't know all of my readers personally and it makes me nervous because I have a family now and whatnot. I know that if I manage to garner myself a stalker that he could find me through other methods.....but why hand him the info willingly? Anyhow, this whole thing ends Monday...so if you haven't voted yet, email me. And since some of you are confused as to which one to email, here it is again:     spencer.july19@gmail.com       not the yahoo one. Thanks again for the help!

Wow. Ask and ye shall receive! I was only going to post 10-15, but there are too many that are too good. Not all are being included, do not feel bad or think I don’t love you. If you still have ideas for me, you can still submit them. But the submissions have slowed down today, so unless I get any more, these are your nominees.

[UPDATED]   A few more have been added to the list, look for them. A very wonderful person posted at the last minute, and I liked the ones he submitted. So voila. Now continue on.

Let’s start off with a weird trend that occurred, and I don’t know why or how it happened:

*Mallory: Best If Served Chilled     (it’s also a less dangerous for all involved)

*Mallory: Dropping Swear Words Like Galileo Dropped The Orange        (I love this  one. It’s in my top 5)

*Mallory: Screwed Up Two State’s Censuses       (anyone know where and how the apostrophe goes?)

*Mallory: Using Her Elbows In Unexpected Ways         (no idea what this means, but it made me laugh)

*Mallory: Newest Student In Jedi Training       (I’ve always thought of myself as a ninja, actually)

*Mallory: Now 260 lbs Lighter!        (okay, this one was just mean!!)

*Mallory: Still Bitching Even From New Jersey         (and will continue no matter where I move)

*Mallory: Wishing She Brought Her Own Phlebotomist          (if only he wanted to move)

 

Let’s move on to New Jersey living/moving themed ones:

 

*Blogging From Jersey So You Don’t Have To      (In my top 5 as well. Love this one)

*Will Blog 4 East Coast To Mid-West Dictionary       (love this one, too. Top 5 also)

*Mid-West Girl On The East Coast        (yeah, I am…but I love it!)

*The Grass Is Always Greener…With Jersey’s Pollution     (I haven’t seen any pollution. No joke! I expected it to be like Gary, IN. but it's not)

*Pray For New Jersey…Michigan Couldn’t Handle Her!     (well, that’s just mean!)

*Nomad In Training       (I ain’t no nomad dammit)

*Midwest Snow Bunny Thawing In Italian Paradise         (hee, I'm not even commenting on this...)

 

Then on to classic literature:

 

*Exiled to Jersey      (wow. Ripping off Tolstoy. Just, wow)

*Hitchhiker’s Guide To Mallory       (love this actual book a little too much)

*I, Mallorious        (I’m sure Robert Graves greatly appreciates this one)

*Are You There, God? It’s Me, Mallory       (can we not piss off Judy Blume??)

*Mallory Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest       (oddly, this fits a little too well)

*Demon Blogger From      (if only I lived on Fleet Street!)

*Paradise Of Bachelors      (haha, because I live with a bunch of men. Poor Herman Melville!)

*Thus Spank Zarathustra      (if you actually get this reference, let’s get married right now. Seriously)

 

Onto A Brief Italian Lesson:

 

*Scrivilo per favore!       (write it down please!)

*il mio italiano è orribile      (my Italian is bad  - um, my language or Nick? Heehee)

* ho bisogno di fare pratica con il mio italiano      (I need to practice my Italian. *coughs* my brain goes right to the sex)

 

These don’t really fit into any one category, but are still great:

 

*My Boyfriend Has Better Hair Than Me Support Group    (um, he does. I can’t lie. Top 5 again)

*Queen Random       (now bow to your queen, dammit)

*EPIC FAIL       (haha, you’re so funny. Oh my sides…)

*Laptop Dancing     (and if you’re really good, I’ll do it for real)

*Intimidator Of Insolent Serfs       (that’s not very nice to say about yourselves!)

*All The Queen’s Men       (another joke that I live with a bunch of men and another queen reference...lovin' it)

*Accounting An Epoch       (that’s right, I am. Got a problem with that?)

*Calmer Than A Hindu Cow       (heh, wow….that’s so wrong….)

*Fuck You Very Much       (haha, I like this one a lot)

*Inventor Of The Word ‘Neologism’       (another smart person joke. Love it)

*Crouching Tiger Hidden Hussy        (I don’t hide, I’m a hussy in broad daylight baby!!!)

*RANTRANTDAMNRANTRANTFUCKRANTRANT      (don’t know what it means, but it kinda works)

*Everybody Moo With Me        (another one where I'll marry you if you get the reference)

*Sticks & Stones May Break My Bones....But Whips & Chains *coughs* Nevermind.....    (love it)

*Sometimes The Pigeon, Sometimes The Statue      (rounds off my top 5)

*Cavalcade Of Supreme Awesomeness         (yep. Sure am. You got it right)

*Take Two & Call Her In The Morning       (better yet, don’t call. Email me later)

*No Sex And No Caffeine Makes Mallory Go Something Something        (don’t try it, it’s dangerous)

*Liza, Be A Dear And Get Mommy Another Scotch       (I’ll marry you again if you get this one)

 

There they are. I must commend my friends for including many smart people references and for being pretty creative. Like I said, please feel free to add any others. Email me with your top choices, please! Again, thank you for reading my insignificant little blog.

I am really liking the fact that I have many many readers now and people actually are liking my writing. I love you all, and thank you. Some of you have asked why don't I get my own domain name or go to a bigger blog site where I pay for bandwidth and shit. That won't be happening any time soon. I like Blogs 4 Me. I like the people here. I like being small. Makes me feel all humble and whatnot.

Anyhow, I kinda want to change the name of my blog again. Afterall, as some of you pointed out, I'm no longer fuckin' David who would speak and sing in 5 languages to me....so why keep the name that he gave me to use? So, that's where you, my faithful readers, come in. Please email me (or for those of you who are members here at the fabulous B4Me you can comment on here) with some suggestions! I will post probably the top 10/15 that I personally like and then will let you all vote.

Thanks for the help, and I mean it when I say thanks for reading. I never thought I was any good at writing, and the gracious comments and inspiring words from some of you touch my soul. Makes this all worth it.

P.S., the last blog that I wrote concerning the BESTEST mall ever, one of you tried telling me I had the name wrong. Um, no I didn't. Go here.  Now bite me.

As much fun as my last topic was (I'm still getting emails full of thanks for finally showing the evil truth of cheaters, personal firsthand stories that further prove the data, and links to sites with similar info) I am steering away from controversy for right now.  It's too tiring right now! But never fret, I'm sure I will start up again soon. Cuz I have a big mouth and I get bitchy.

Anyhow...instead I feel the need to let the inner child in me explode with giddy girlishness and tell you about the most amazing mall I've ever been to in my entire life. I have never EVER seen such mind-boggling awesomeness all crammed into one place before. I was very overwhelmed.

Nick and I went to New York recently. We are literally a 15 minute drive (which includes traffic...we're friggin CLOSE, I tell you) from the border. It was a Sunday and we kinda HAD to go to New York to find a mall that was open because in our county (which is the biggest county in New Jersey), no place of business is open except for grocery stores. Why, you ask? Upon asking my sweet and very smart boyfriend he smirked, "Because of God." Okay, fair enough.

So we are approaching the Palisade Center Mall and I suddenly realize that all the prepping Nick had given me was not nearly enough. OMG....this place was HUGE. So big I swear the town I grew up in could fit easily in there.  First off, it's 5 floors. What kind of ridiculousness is that!!! 5 floors filled with tempting places for you to drop your cash. And I am so glad we left Deacon with Nick's parents, because my son would have exploded with excitement. Hell, I was acting like I was three years old!

In addition to the traditional stores like Sears, Macy's, the Gap, Old Navy, etc., they had stores I had never seen in a mall type setting: Lindt Chocolate Factory (Nick didn't even let me walk near that place), Coldstone Creamery, the Haagen Daz store, the Cheesecake Factory, and the LEGO store. They had so many places to eat, I don't even remember them all....Dave & Busters, Chili's, TGIFridays, Outback Steakhouse, and so many different ethnic places from every nationality in the world.

Then came the extra stuff. They had a huge bowling alley with 45 lanes, an Ice Rink, 2 movie theaters with one of them being in IMAX, 2 laundromats, and 2 laser tag arenas. Every service was offered there...from shining your shoes, to modeling contracts, to tattoo parlors. It was also great people watching because no matter how glam this mall was....it's still a mall...and you still encounter um, shall we say, amusing people.

We didn't even make it to all the floors (another reason why I'm glad we didn't take Deacon...he would have been exhausted!) and what did we end up with? After all that adventure? All that time? After all the grumbling we did about not being able to shop in our own county and state because of God (neither one of us is religious at all)?

A pair of sandals for me. Heehee.

Oh dear. Usually I am begging Tim to allow non-members to comment because none of my real-life friends have a blog here and the people that link to my site from the lists I belong to now don't have a membership either...but this time, maybe it's a good thing that Tim doesn't allow comments. My email was FLOODED with opinions about how Brandon's woman would be able to happily date the man she "stole" from me and Deacon.

Let it be known NOW: THIS IS NOT A POST DIRECTED AT BRANDON. This is a post about the psychology that accompanies this topic. I actually did research for this post! And I am not trying to predict his and her future in any way. I was just awed and amazed at the feedback I received these last few days.

I polled 47 people I know...both people I know in my life personally and as well as awesome people I have met through just via the internet. Both men and women, spanning the ages of 20-53. And I asked them if they have ever been in this situation....have they been me or have they been "The Other Person" or TOP. Amazingly enough, ALL 47 have at one time or another, been on BOTH sides of the fence. So what started out just as a casual question, I quickly reformed my mission and starting asking some probing questions. These are EXACT quotes from a few different people.

Are you still in the relationship where you were the TOP?
Not ONE of them were still together.

• Woman A said, "No way. I found out quickly that I had trouble trusting him. I mean, if he was fooling around on her, it means he could be doing it to me. Then he had trouble trusting ME because I broke him and her up and he kept accusing me of being a "habitual homewrecker". Toward the end, the only reason why we were still together was because he had moved in with me after dating like a month and didn't have another place to go. So I let him stay even though neither one of us wanted to continue the relationship. It was ugly."
• Guy A said pretty much the same thing, except he really emphasized how little her trusted her. "She knowingly flirted with me while I was dating another person. She knew exactly what she was doing, even though she acted EXTREMELY innocent and naive. I didn't realize how obvious her actions were until AFTER we had broken up, despite my ex telling me how obvious it all was. It made me a little sick. And guess what, after we broke up, she went to one of her coworkers and did the SAME thing!"
• Curiously enough, not one of these 47 people are still in the relationship where they were doing the dumping, either.
  

"Which side did you prefer being on?"
Not ONE of them preferred being the TOP.

• Woman B said while she enjoyed the man she got, she secretly felt guilty because she also broke up an engagement and he had a child that was biologically his. She said they dated for about 6 months, but she said she always felt bad. He swore to her that he was glad he was away from his fiance, but she said "it always seemed like he was trying to convince himself of that more than he was trying to convince me."
• Guy B said, "I flirted my ass off with this girl who hadn't even complained about her boyfriend. He was actually a decent guy. But she was hot, and I wanted her. She dumped him and went for me. I then find out he had cancer of a private region and she stuck by him through it all and I found out he was about to ask her to marry him. Fuck. I felt terrible that he wanted a marriage and I just wanted a fling for a few weeks. I hated how terrible I felt." He broke up with her so she could go back to him, but it was too late. He was already seeing someone new and didn't want to be with her anyways since she was so quick to leave a good relationship.
  

"When you were doing the dumping, did you feel bad leaving your ex?"
Every one of them, unanimously, believe it or not, said YES.

• Guy C said he thought he had it rough with his girlfriend. He said he would bitch about stuff not getting done and the way she did things. So he left her for this girl he met briefly at his friends job. "I thought that the grass was greener." Turns out, he realized that all women are crazy in their own way. "I didn't have a ton of experience with long term relationships and my girlfriend was the first one I really ever had. I had plenty of experience with short term ones, but not a lot with one that I lived with, spent holidays with, and etc. So when I had shit to complain about, I deemed her a "bad" girlfriend and left. Well, damn. had her own nuances that drove me crazy and she and I argued just as much about other stupid shit. And my original girlfriend? Not that crazy afterall." I happen to know these people, and his original girlfriend is doing really well overseas with a new job and a new relationship. "I miss her. I miss her a lot."
• Woman C left her original boyfriend for TOP. "The grass is always greener on the other side." She moved out of her house and in with TOP immediately, and soon found out how little she knew that person. "We had talked for hours and hours. I felt like I knew him forever. But the things you find out when you actually move in with another human...oh man. It's amazing." I found out that even though my original boyfriend and I had problems, they were fixable. I just stopped caring and thought I'd be happier elsewhere." According to her, now he's happy with a new wife and baby and she's "still hopping from relationship to relationship. I think I'm trying to find the 'perfect' man. I'm not going to. I also think I like the thrill of the new relationship and then once the thrill is gone, I get bored and find ways to pick apart the relationship."
  

Here's some other data I got:

•  Moving in immediately seemed to be a BIG trend. Almost half of the people polled (21 of them to be exact) moved in with TOP immediately, while an additional 6 were living together within 4 months.
  
• 40 of the 47 said the sentence "The grass is always greener on the other side."
• 42 accused TOP of acting in deliberate ways to "steal" said person.
  
• 26 people are back with their original person!! (10 are married now. Aww....I think?)
  
• 17 owned up to admitting they love the "thrill" of the chase and then get bored.
• 44 claim if hadn't been for TOP, they probably wouldn't have left the original person. (This one kinda PISSED me off, but whatever.)
  
• 43  said when they were the original person, they secretly hoped that TOP and their person would break up.  
• When doing the dumping of the original person for TOP, 32 said they didn't want to claim defeat with TOP and tried to "hammer themselves into happiness" just to save face and keep up appearances. Wow.
  

Hmm...that's a lot of data. So what the hell does all this mean? I am certainly not saying that relationships that start out this way are doomed. I find it odd that I poll 47 people and I didn't find one success story. But not all of them ended due to trust issues or the like. One ended because he was being shipped off to war and she didn't want a long distance thing. So maybe that one, if it hadn't been for Iraq, would have been the exception. I also would love to point out that the men said that WOMEN are way more ruthless and wily when it comes to landing a man...which I totally can believe.

I'm also not implying that being TOP is a bad thing, necessarily. I have been TOP. Every single one of those times happened to have been with Brandon, and at the time I wasn't aware I was TOP, but I have been that person before. And no, I didn't like it either. I felt bad when it came out that he was dating someone else. But I didn't know ahead of time that he was with her. I have never, EVER, knowingly tried getting a man that belonged to another woman. I personally couldn't do it. MY NEXT STATEMENT IS KINDA MEAN: It's kinda sleazy, in my opinion. I don't care how unhappy he claims he is....Is he still there? Is he still dating her? Then guess what? He isn't as "miserable" as he says he is and you hope that he is. No man (or woman as the case may be, but we're talking about me here) will stay in a situation where he is TRULY miserable and unhappy any longer than he absolutely has to. I'm sorry, but that's my personal opinion. And the numbers I collected back me up.

So why do we as a people think that the grass is greener? That the next one will be perfect? Why do we pick apart things and overexaggerate the small stuff? Why do we hurt the ones we love? Why are most of us still unhappy? Why do some of us like the chase? Why do all of us have so many trust issues? Why are women so ruthless? Why are some men such pigs?

Oh, it's a new series on the blog...aren't we all excited?

And, for the record, I am well aware, having just gone through my archives, that there all several other on-going series that looks like I've abandoned. Fear not...I will keep 'em going. I promise and stuff.

Things I Love So Much, That I Want To Have Its Babies

1. Netflix      I used to work in a video store. A really good video store, actually. We were cheap, carried everything new and old, and even carried independent and foreign films. And shh, porn. And I used to argue with people who thought Netflix was a deal.

"Who the hell needs to keep a movie for three weeks? If you rent something, you plan on watching it, right?! If you don't have the time to watch, you just don't rent it!"

Well.....I was wrong. Life kinda happens, ya know? You plan on watching something, but then work calls and needs you to come in...or your kid wants to play another game of Candyland...or your eyes dart over to the basket of laundry that could be done instead. And knowing you don't have a due date is kind of intoxicating in the sense that you always say, "well, maybe tomorrow." Then before you know it, you've had the movie for a month and it still hasn't even made it to the DVD player.

2. Nick's MacBookPro     Oh My God. I can't get enough of this thing. I'm typing this on his MBPro even though my perfectly good, expensive laptop is sitting three feet away right now. Ohh crap, he's crying. Excuse me, I need to speak to him, now...

I'm sorry, laptop, but his has a matte screen! You've seen it! I love your glossy goodness, I really do...but this is a matte screen! And his keys flow so nicely! And his touchpad feels different, too...it's more controlled and not quite so radical. And let's not get started on the programs offered inside. But I love you, I do. The affair will be over with soon, ok? I will come back to you. I love you. I know I am cheating, and I firmly believe that ALL cheaters should be killed, but I'm coming back. Promise.

3. Activon     Apply directly to where it hurts! No seriously...I have had this horrible pinched nerve/muscle agony now for like, 3 months. But if I pop a heavy duty pain pill and Nick coats me in Activon, I feel "okay". I may hate the commercials, but I love the product.

That's all for now...I need to douse my neck and back in Activon, throw 2 DVDs back in the mail, and going to figure out what this little icon means in the corner of his screen....

Okay...I received a slew of email concerning my last post. Some of it was funny and full of questions...and some of it was hurtful and full of doubt. So here, let me address some of the issues.

1. Why did you need to see Brandon?

I was still on his phone plan and he didn't trust me enough to send him money every month until our contract ended, so he demanded I sign off. Which I had to be present for apparently. My son and I needed to say goodbye to him since we didn't when I first left. I cried like a damn baby. Brandon remained stoic as ever and didn't. I didn't expect him to.


2. Nick only had patience with Deacon because he was in front of you!

This morning, I was still feeling the aftereffects of the Tomazzo incident and was sick all throughout the night. So Nick got up with Deacon and let me stay in bed, contemplating my death which I was pretty positive was near. And I slipped in and out of consciousness all morning. But at around noon, I hear the fruit of my loins becoming increasingly vocal and irritable. He's yelling and crying and screaming. And Nick remained as calm as ever. Still spoke to Deacon like an adult. Never raised his voice once. And this went on for a solid ten minutes. My son has reached the age where he screams for something, so you give it to him. But when you give it to him, he screams that he doesn't want it. So you go to take it away, and he screams again. And this is will go on and on. And Nick is so patient. I, on the other hand, want to strangle the child after two rounds of this. So NO, he was not only patient because I was in the car. He's just a patient man...which is good for me - he'll need to be patient to deal with me!


3. How expensive were the Tomazzos?

About $3.00/each.


4. Shouldn't that have been your first clue that they were going to be bad?

Um, yeah....shut the fuck up.


5. What do you have against Capri Sun?

Nothing. I just think the Surfer Cooler flavor sucks. I like other flavors of it. Just not that particular one. I am sorry to the makers of Capri Sun....but you need to stop making that flavor.


6. Are you sure you will be happy on the East Coast? You've never done anything this radical before...and you'll probably fail...and this time you will be far from home.

Again, shut the fuck up. And for those of you who emailed this to me, let it be known now that I can live without you in my life. I don't need that in my life. But thanks for the support, asshats.

Okay that was fun!



 

It's amazing the things you learn from a 48 hour nonstop road trip with your boyfriend.

1. A new Ford Explorer is still just as hard on gas as an old one. Ouch...almost $200. I still love Nick's vehicle though. I want to have it's babies.

2. Do not stop at a Travel Lounge on the Ohio Turnpike and order Tomazzos (it's a bagel, covered in pizza sauce and then doused with mozzarella cheese and trust us, it sounds better than it is). We both were paying for it the next day.

3. Do not speed in Ohio. My East Coast aggressive driver boyfriend garnered us a $100 ticket for going 19 over the limit on the way home.

4. I learned Nick has way more patience than I do. It isn't even close, really. Deacon was less than behaved on the way back (We drove all the way from Jersey to Michigan because I needed to deal with Brandon and needed other essentials from my former house. And we had to turn directly around with no sleep and go back the 12 hours to Jersey. So Deacon was pretty justified with his crankydom). And I learned that Nick is a saint. He really is.

5. No amount of caffeine works on me in the "stay awake" sense.

6. Pennsylvania is quite possibly the most boring of states to drive through. It was terrible. There were plenty of times we were quite relieved to see civilization on the sides of the roads because you literally drive for MILES and see nothing. NOTHING.

7. Nick can behave in front of my ex and will even set aside his own feelings and will help take care of the ex's new baby.

8. Capri Sun "Surfer Cooler" flavor SUCKS.

9. Pack a diaper bag full of snacks, of all different variety,  for your kid, and he won't want any of them.

10. Must remember to pack the camera next time. Saw many things. Would have loved photographic evidence.

11. Some people have really dumb bumper-stickers. I've already commented on this before. But likewise, some people have really dumb personalized license plates.

12. You're never too old for road games.

13. I am able to pee in public if it is absolutely dire. But I still don't like it and almost fainted at the sight of the one toilet. See #10.

I must say, being awake for over 48 hours, after over 24 hours worth of driving and having to deal with my ex-fiance and my parents, and getting pulled over by a very nice cop, Nick and I NEVER fought. NOT ONCE. We didn't even bicker! Which I am truly grateful for. He let me cry after we parted from Brandon, he tolerated my big dad grilling him, and he soothed my son countless times in and out of the car.

And yet I still don't wanna do it again! When I return, it will be via airplane. Where I can drink. A lot.

I joined Facebook. And I'm a little ashamed of myself for doing it, but it's been nice reconnecting with my old friends. And some are in my area, and we've made plans to get together. But this was passed on to me, and I can't figure out how to put it on my FB page, so I'll post it here. The gimmick (in case you can't tell) is to give only ONE WORD answers. And fuck, it's harder than you'd imagine.


1. Where is your cell phone?   pocket

2. Your significant other?    Nick

3. Your hair?    dyed

4. Your mother?   odd

5. Your father?   big

6. Your favorite?   what?

7. Your dream last night?    Guam

8. Your favorite drink?    Mt. Dew

9. Your dream/goal?     love

10. What room you are in?    den

11. Your hobby?    sex

12. Your fear?    lots

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years?    happy

14. Where were you last night?    home

15. Something that you aren't?    short

16. Muffins?    chocolate

17. Wish list item?    Kindle

18. Where you grew up?    Michigan  

19. Last thing you did?     sex

20. What are you wearing?    clothes

21. Your TV?    off

22. Your pets?    swim

23. Friends?    far

24. Your life?    chaotic

25. Your last ex?     amazing

26. Your kids?     smart

27. Your car?    dying

28. Your computer?     warm

29. Your house?    clean

30. Your mood?    blahish


And in case anyone has been living under a rock for the last two years, the Kindle I mentioned is Amazon's AMAZING Wireless reading system. Look it up. It's awesome. I want one. Some of my friends have it...and damn....just, damn....

As long ago promised, I took a few pics of my kid's new haircut. Brandon claims that with his newly sheared hair, it makes him look even more like his father. Which, if I wasn't 739 miles away, I'd kick him for that. But I nonetheless, I like his hair. I tried getting it spiky, but his thin hair wouldn't hold the kids hair gel well.

Well, fuck. I was feelin' all good about my's fightin' abilities and such....but damn. This is just embarrassing!

28

And would totally use those little bastards as weapons!!!

5:30        Depart for New Jersey. Deacon was behaving perfectly. And I had another 12 hours of driving ahead of me and I was already tired. Planning on a little caffeine, but pretty much depending on adrenaline. Too much caffeine will make me jittery. And I don’t want to drive 12 hours all hopped up and shaky.

6:00        How hard is it to pass someone? And if you’re going to pass me, one generally assumes that you are actually going to pass, not slow the hell down once you’re in the left lane! Thanks a hell of a lot…the semi is like sitting on top of my windshield now, so hurry the fuck up. I was nice to you, ya know. I could have been an asshat and cut quickly in front of you, sped up, and passed the semi. But no, I decided that since I have 11 ½ more hours to go, I should be nice. Build up good karma.

8:00        Big fight with Brandon. Which was a justified argument, he was in the right. But it meant bad and dangerous news for me – He was turning my cell service off. I called all of my concerned parties while I still had a phone to do so and started to cry. Really nervous driving so far away with a two year old, with no phone. And I’ve hit snow. Fabulous.

10:00     Still in Indiana. Weather sucks. Hardcore.  Unbelievably terrible.

12:00     Finally get to Ohio Turnpike. Should have taken 4 hours from my house. Took me 6. Outcome for my goal of hitting New Jersey by 5 am? Not. Gonna. Happen. The weather is so terrible I can not believe it. Not the worst weather I’ve endured, but it is damn damn close. There are very few drivers out right now (and for good reason). They are by far smarter than me!

3:30        Was passed by a semi, and spun out. Totally. I slid around and around and swore like a sailor. I was hailing every Mary and praying quickly that we would stop safely. Thankfully, there were no cars behind me to ram into me. My car ended up completely backwards, resting ever so gently on the guardrail, about one inch away. I wanted to stay there forever because I was in shock. My hands were white and couldn’t move off the wheel. But I saw in the far distance a pair of headlights, so I had to move. I silently cried for about half an hour. I have never been in an accident. Ever. And I need to thank every lucky star I have that my first time was not tonight, with my son in the car, with no phone to call for help, with very very few cars on the road, in the freezing cold.

5:00        Rummage through car for spare change to call Nicholas to tell him the obvious – I’M NOT THERE. Least I’m in Pennsylvania. At a really icky rest stop. Standing next to a GIANT man who keeps calling me “darlin” and “sweetums”. While calling Nicholas, this man (who I named Bubba, cuz he looked like a Bubba) actually so close to me I think he was smelling my hair. *shivers*

8:00        Almost to New Jersey. I am so close. It is daylight now, though, and the weather is not nearly as bad. And yet these New Jersey drivers are acting like they were hit with 8 feet of snow. Speed the fuck up.

8:30        In Jersey. Finally. I receive a call from Brandon, saying he turned my cell back on because he was worried about Deacon and I getting to NJ okay. Which made me cry. So I call Nicholas, telling him I was still alive, and asking how much further I have to go. Perfect weather, about half an hour. With New Jersey drivers acting all dumb, about another hour and half. I am determined to be there before 9:30.

9:00        Need to get gas. So I stop at some Shell or BP or whatever. And I proceed to get out when this man comes to my window and puts his hand on my door telling me to not get out. Now, I’ve been awake for FAR too long to be fucked with right now. I am not in the mood. I continue heading out of my car. And he said, “How much gas do you need?” I said, “It’s 200-fucking-9, and I don’t need some MAN to pump my gas in a lame-ass attempt to hit on me!!!” He ever so politely said, “Well, you are pretty, but I’m offering to pump because I am legally obligated to.” I stared at him blankly. I still thought he was fucking around with me. So I said, “FINE!! Pump the gas. But you ain’t getting my number or even a smile!” and slammed my door. Nick informs me like an hour later that yes indeed, it is illegal to self serve. So, um….gas attendant on the Jersey Turnpike…I think from a Shell….um, I’m sorry dude.  

9:30        Okay, I have like, ten minutes. Woot! I am paying my last toll (which, in case you’re curious, if you drive from South Haven, Michigan, to Emerson, New Jersey, you will pay $10.85 in tolls. Which sounds like a lot, but I’ll tell you what, they were some nice roads before they were 3 inches deep covered in snow!)

9:45        I pull in Nicholas’ driveway, nearly 5 hours later than I should have been. By this point, I have been up for 26 hours, and no nap in sight because Deacon slept in the car, so he’s up and ready to play! And with Nick needing to go to work, that means mommy is up too!

**FLASH FORWARD TO 8:30 PM**

8:30        Deacon is in bed. And after a loooong, hot, shower, so will I. I am sleepy, but so excited. I needed this. I can’t wait. I’ve hit delirium, but I am safe. I am scared, but am optimistic that my life starts now. There are things back home that need addressed, but they will be. I am loving life right now. Which, for those who know me intimately, is quite a big statement.

So I have wasted about 8 minutes of my life trying to figure this out. Whether you interpret her going clockwise or counterclockwise is indicative to whether you are right or left brained. I very clearly saw her going clockwise. Until about two minutes later and BAM! she was going counterclocky. So then I figured that the little dancing cunt was programmed to switch every two or three minutes. So I sat and stared for like, 7 minutes. No change. Damn. I'm stumped.

One thing for sure though, is that she has perfect little boobs and a tight body. Bitch.

Click on her to view the little tramp.